Fields of Gold
by Loopylou
Summary: Xena fights to protect a village from grain theives, and may end up paying the ultamate sacrifice.


A/N. The song used in this fic is Fields of Gold, performed by Eva Cassidy. Song lyrics are indicated by Song Lyric.  
  
Standard Disclaimer, I don't own any of these characters, nor any of the original content from the TV show Xena.  
  
Fields of Gold  
  
The battle was over. Xena's forces had won, but at an awful cost. Half of the farmer/solders Xena had led into battle were dead, dying or wounded. Half of those still living would pass over during the night. It was a sickening price to pay for a village's survival, but it had to be paid. Xena moved among them even as dusk fell, healing those that she could and offering comfort to those even she couldn't help. She worked on even though she was exhausted, physically and mentally. It had been a hard, harrowing fight, but she hoped that the end result had been worth it. Oh, she so hoped it had. If it hadn't, what had those brave souls fought for?  
  
You'll remember me when the west wind moves  
  
Upon the fields of barley  
  
The village she had been called to save was surrounded by fields of just ripe barley. A valuable crop, with enough to feed the village people well into the next summer. Like most farming villages, they kept what they needed and sold the rest. The coin was divided equally amongst every working person in the village. Now one of those fields of gold was stained a rusty crimson from the blood that had been spilled. Gabrielle hated the sight- it was like an ugly gash on the tapestry of the valley. She prayed for rain to wash the blood back into the land. Her wishes would go unanswered. The blood would remain there for a week, an ugly warning to those who thought to attack while the village was weak.  
  
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky  
  
As we walk in fields of gold   
  
The warrior princess had been wounded herself, but she paid no attention to the cuts, instead tending to those not lucky enough to come through the battle unscathed. Her leathers were slick with blood, both her own and those she helped. It ran in sticky rivulets on the leather as she moved from patient to patient. Blood had matted her dark hair into a knotted mess that would be hell to brush out. Flakes of drying blood floated from the warrior as she moved around the field hospital. It looked like a macabre version of a snowstorm. To many, hers was the last face they would ever look upon. To a lucky few, she was the face of salvation.  
  
So she took her love  
  
For to gaze awhile  
  
One man had been blinded in both eyes by a lucky strike of a blade. Xena feared that he wouldn't live through the night. It might be better if he didn't. A blind man couldn't work the land, so couldn't provide for his family. Charity would be his only income now. She whispered a prayer over his sleeping form, flushed already with the beginnings of a fever. She truly didn't know who she sent the prayer to or what she wanted. It was the first time she had prayed in a very long time. She found that it wouldn't be the last time she prayed that night.  
  
Upon the fields of barley  
  
In his arms she fell as her hair came down  
  
Gabrielle was moved by her friend's persistence in helping the wounded. She had helped out in the field hospital until it became clear she was needed more in the town, comforting those that had lost loved ones. She wondered at it too, hoping it would prove to be the balm her friend needed to soothe the guilt she would feel at the slaughter. Somehow, Gabrielle sensed the turmoil in Xena, a paradox of guilt and exhilaration. Both emotions were strong, but Gabrielle knew which would win. Which had to win, if her friend wasn't going to lapse back to her dark ways.  
  
Among the fields of gold  
  
Will you stay with me, will you be my love  
  
Eventually, Xena had done all she could for those in need. She left the field hospital, heading to the inn where she and Gabrielle were staying. All she wanted was to sit and rest. She felt both bone weary and old, aged by the battle and it's aftermath. Every battle she passed through jaded her more than the last. She knew that many of them had to be fought, but she wished that people wouldn't see her as an all conquering hero. She was nobody's hero. Too many people in the world believed that people were basically good or bad. She knew better. People were basically selfish, and greedy. They wanted all that the could have, and they didn't want to share it with anyone.  
  
Among the fields of barley  
  
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky  
  
As we lie in fields of gold  
  
Of course, there were exceptions to that rule, and Gabrielle was one of them. So were the eighty men she had just lead into battle. There were more, but Xena didn't consider herself one. Why should she? She had spent the best part of a decade plundering and burning villages like the one she had just saved. The last few years of her life had been dedicated to putting back the hope she had stolen from those small villages. But would she ever be done repaying her debt to the world? Would those scales ever tip back into her favour? She didn't hold out much hope.  
  
See the west wind move like a lover so  
  
Upon the fields of barley  
  
She was glad that no-one saw her as she stumbled, tripping over a tree root. Just for a moment, she had felt light-headed and disorientated. As she tried to right herself, dizziness descended with shocking force. She couldn't fight it, instead choosing to give in and lower herself to the floor as gracefully as she could. Graceful would be the last word she would chose to describe the landing she made. Flesh mad contact with hard packed earth with bruising force. She gasped a little, feeling more and more dazed. Had anyone happened to walk past, they would have seen a chalk white face surrounded by a mad tangle of raven hair.  
  
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth  
  
Among the fields of gold  
  
For the first time, Xena felt the pain of her wounds. She had a deep, narrow cut across the top of her right shoulder, another cut on her left arm and a nasty, infected looking scrape along the bottom of her back. She couldn't even begin to count the number or minor cuts and bruises she had collected. The worst of her injuries was a deep, ragged stab wound to the side of her ribs. All of the wounds were still bleeding steadily.  
  
I never made promises lightly  
  
And there have been some that I've broken  
  
The blood loss was making her feel sleepy, and cold. Her mind was moving at half it's normal speed, and she couldn't muster the strength to tend to her wounds. All she could do was stare with morbid fascination at the blood pooling on the earth beneath her. It made the earth a muddy red, just like the earth of the battle field she had just left. Her eyes drifted closed, and she had neither the strength nor will to force them open again. Her breathing slowed little by little, until she was hardly breathing at all.  
  
But I swear in the days still left  
  
We'll walk in fields of gold  
  
We'll walk in fields of gold  
  
Somewhere in the recesses of her failing mind, she knew she was dying. She could feel it. Parts of her body had a strange, cold feeling to them that wasn't quite pain. It didn't frighten her, though it should have. She found herself replaying her past over and over in her mind. A fragment of a rhyme from her childhood. A splinter of remembered pain from battles long laid cold. A shard of self doubt from her first time leading an army into battle. The first time she met Gabrielle. Her friend's sunny smile.  
  
Many years have passed since those summer days  
  
Among the fields of barley  
  
There didn't seem to be a theme to the memories, and yet there was. In every one of them, she was the star. Little things that she'd long forgotten about slipped into her mind as if she had been trying to remember them. She recalled playing in fields of golden wheat with the other children in the village as a child. A scolding she had been given by her mother for ruining a new dress while rescuing a trapped kitten from the well.  
  
See the children run as the sun goes down  
  
Among the fields of gold  
  
Gabrielle. She had so many good memories of her dear friend and soul mate. Inside of her tunic, there was a letter to Gabrielle. It was part love letter, part not. Xena had written it late one night, while watching her friend toss and turn in sleep. There were things in that letter she could never have said to the bard, yet Xena wanted her to know. It had been a paradox that weighed heavily on her for several weeks. Writing the letter had freed her from the burden.  
  
You'll remember me when the west wind moves  
  
Upon the fields of barley  
  
Another flash of memories overtook her, and she shook from the strength of them. These were the ones she didn't want to remember. The ones she had boxed up, trapped, and locked away in the back of her mind. Memories of her time as a warlord. Memories of the times she had ruthlessly burned homes and lives in an attempt to burn the hurt out of her. She had thought- wished- that the burning would somehow cleanse her soul. All it had done was add to the pain she carried locked away inside of her.  
  
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky  
  
When we walked in fields of gold  
  
Xena was drifting now, floating on a soothing fog of happy memories. She drifted through time and space, not caring, not fighting. She had never imagined that her death would be so easy. After all the battles, all the times she had ventured into dangerous territory, she thought she would die in the heat of battle, going out in a blaze of glory. A gasping breath of air gave her the strength she needed to whisper a strained goodbye to the her one true friend and lover. "So sorry Gabrielle, so sorry." she whispered, hating that she had failed her friend in such a simple way.  
  
When we walked in fields of gold  
  
When we walked in fields of gold  
  
"Goodbye, Gabrielle." those last two words carried a poignant sadness. Xena's last breath slipped softly from her body, and she finally found peace. 


End file.
